a new day

I am so thankful to be in Mindy Tsonas' THIS MOMENT ecourse right now.  It is as if she is looking right into my life and holding my hand.  Her gentle guidance is so reassuring and the supportive words of my new class friends; have me aware of who I am and the path ahead of me. Otherwise, I may be all over the place. Seriously.

I thought I had unconditional love for my family and I thought I knew how to forgive until this past week. Holding the intervention for my husband on Sunday was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.  I had to fight the urge to cancel it more than once. He was going to hate me. But we did it out of love and it brought EVERYTHING into THIS MOMENT!
We learned so much about addiction that day, how ONLY LOVE CAN HEAL!  I was hurt, afraid and angry.  I knew I had a choice: react in anger or respond with the true me, in love and compassion. what did he need? What did I need?  It was so powerful. But I was the target of his addiction's anger.  I was sending love out, but it was NOT being returned from him....yet.

It has been a week since I stood up and confronted this beast that has over-taken him and only four days since the intervention. 25 years we have been together and NEVER have we gone more than 24 hours without hearing each other's voice say I love you. It's been 8 days. The not knowing was killing me. Although I know we did the right thing to save him from himself, I prayed for something to hold onto.  A glimpse of the healthy man I missed so much. Out of the blue Tuesday night, he texted each of the kids telling them he loved them and texted me to send things I didn't pack and he would text me later. (i know he isn't suppose to have his phone - he's a very tricky guy, but I am so glad he has it for the kids).  Then last night, after midnight, I received a text from him:  I love you. Good night. 
Love in -- Love out -- and Love from around the world and FINALLY, from him, to lift me up.

A beautiful circle!



change

fall has arrived and with its cooler temperatures were winds of change

Change that I have been gradually been preparing for.  Change that is a stronger, more spiritual, more determined me.  And closer and more open with my amazing children.

My husband's struggles with addiction have surfaced yet again.  I promised this to be the "last stand".  With his most recent lies and manipulation, I feel so betrayed and angry.  But I can NOT act upon this because it has NEVER gotten me what I truely want. Moving gently within LOVE, compassionately for all those involved for all of us are hurting and needing to be understood as well as loved. 

I have received so much support and love from friends, many I have not personally met - only in e-courses! who have provided me the greatest strength, that I can not begin to describe.

I look back over the last year and marvel at how the steps lined up perfectly like a puzzle.

My brother's request to photograph his wedding led me to search for photography e-course and found Susannah Conway's Unravelling, then following her classes and participation in Mindy Tsonas' Wish Studio and Squam Art Workshop, Jess and Michelle's The Declaration of You and Vivienne's You are Your Own Muse.

How each course provided exactly what I needed to make it through this week.

How after attending Squam, I learned to BEGIN with Christine Mason Miller and really knew and believed I could make my creative dreams a reality.  It was within my reach and I could see the steps I needed to follow.

How I Celebrated the acceptance into my first art show with all of you, knowing it is just the first.

How wearing Jen Lee's JUST BE TRUE tshirt empowers me!

How I typed in my declaration of TRUST on Thursday and found myself chanting it over and over to myself on Tuesday night..

"I declare that I can trust that whatever life throws me (fair or unfair), I am truely blessed and already have exactly what I need to survive and thrive."

How learning how to take photos of myself made me stronger, and feel more beautiful; and taking photos of me in THIS MOMENT gave me strength to acknowledge and then let go of the pain.

So this day after Thanksgiving, I am so very thankful for all you! For I am not alone.

My friends who have lifted me up, provided me a foundation to stand, a sisterhood to lean on and a love to share!  

I love you all from the deepest part of who I am. xoxoxo

Facing Giants

In three days, Saturday Nov 6th, I will be walking the DFW Brain Tumor Walk. 
I am walking in memory of my friend Jess, with her family as a team called "Facing Giants".
She was the most beautiful person I have ever known.  She was diagnosed with a tumor three years ago and fought for two years before she died in June of 2009 at the age of 27.  Even though she was very sick, she NEVER stopped living or giving or hoping.  She never wanted to waste a single second she had on this earth.
Every day was a gift.
Every person a friend - a soul she connected to.
Every word she spoke was full of love.
Every word she wrote, when she could no longer speak, was inspiring and insightful.
I ask that you pray for those with brain tumors and their families.  If you can make a donation to help fight brain tumors and inspire hope to those affected, it will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you so much.
Peace Be With You.

Pre-Holiday Gifts or PHG

I can NOT believe that it is Halloween on Sunday and what that means is The Holidays are here!
I LOVE the holidays, but I can NEVER get everything done that I hope to do. So, this year I am giving myself some daily PHG (pre-holiday gifts) to get me organized, checking off my "to-do list" and in the Holiday spirit.  I'm thinking gifts like: Share Beauty, Health, Be Creative and Expand!

1. Share Beauty
Last week I ordered the most beautiful bracelet from Stacie's Jewelry. She has a nice blog and etsy shop. Check out her unique items.  The packageing is so pretty, I didn't want to throw it away - great gifts for yourself or for a friend.
2. Health
I am currently doing 30day yoga!
3. Expand
I am participating in Declaration of You (really fun!) Creative Coconuts (very supportive) and in November Leah's Art Every Day Month
4. Be Creative
I really need to create everyday but in an organized way so I don't feel overwhelmed.  I met Lynn in the Declaration of You e-course and she inspired me with  5 projects in 5 days so before November is here I will
1. Decorate for Halloween (ha! I know)
2. use the spooky halloween cookie cutters I got last year but forgot to use
3. Find costumes for my dogs and horse
4. make a fun Halloween themed dinner on Sunday!
5. organize my studio and get ready for November

I already feel pampered and inspired. I'll let you know how it turns out!
Have a great weekend!!!
Happy Halloween!!

Imperfect...and proud of it!

Better late than never...and nothing like an imperfect picture to protest perfection! ha!
Just a quick post to participate in Brene` Brown's Perfect Protest.  If you haven't read her book The Gifts of Imperfection - order it now!  you will be glad you did because it really is an insightful book.

Begin!

Today I completed Christine Mason Miller's workshop "Today: Begin".  It was part of Mindy Tsonas' *WishStudio that offers ongoing online workshops.  And the money raised to participate in the workshop was donated to Marianne Elliott's Global Seva Challenge for South Africa AIDS/HIV Projects. 

It was so amazing!!

Christine took the overwhelming idea of a dream (no matter what it is) and broke it down into manageable pieces.

My dream is to create a series of color pencil drawings (4-6) using my dog, Rocky as my inspiration/model.  I made a committment to myself to begin today and I not only created a collage to get myself motivated, but completed the first three steps on my "to do list" - with writing this blog being #4! Yeah!

There is so much excitment in movement. I've had creative dreams, goals and ideas in the past, but that is where they stayed.  They never materialized (idk, I guess I just thought it would magically happen on it's own! ha!) or they just fizzled out as I talked myself out of even starting.  Now, it isn't just a pie in the sky idea anymore. It is something I am actually doing.  And it feels wonderful!!

So you will be seeing more of Rocky and I hope you like him - he's a pretty fun boxer pup!

A Message from NYC

    

I've been in New York City all week with my daughter visiting college campuses.  There were a few she absolutely loved and a couple were marked off the list within minutes!  It has been fun, with lots of walking, shopping, eating, more shopping and me trying to keep up and be cool.  I think I failed at the latter :)

But I did learn something about myself.  I go at the pace of those I am with.  Maybe its because I am a mom and I am not a good juggler/multitasker.  Seriously my phone rings while I'm driving and I miss my exit.  As a stay-home mother of three and wife to a busy businessman, my schedule has always been theirs or managing their schedules.  Outside of that I didn't have alot of time or energy to go towards me.  Until recently, as each child has turned 16 and became more independent.  My time is now my own and I really like the slower pace I've set for me.

But this was my daughter's trip and we were moving with the pulse of The City!  On the last night I did meet up with Louise Gale that I met at Squam Art Workshop. She is so sweet and talented.  I enjoyed our 45 minutes! She told me about her friend Rose's photography that was in an art gallery nearby and suggested we check it out.  So we did and I was inspired!  I WILL FIND an artist group in North Texas! How cool to be featured in a REAL art gallery. I have a goal!

But after a few minutes we were rushing out of the Gallery District, so we could get back over to SAKS on 5th Avenue and still have time to make our 8 o'clock dinner reservations in Times Square.
I almost missed my sign from the universe that Meghan asked everyone to look for.  I walked right past it not once, but twice!  And then only saw it as our taxi was driving away.  I took a quick snap and sort of got it!  I could have gotten out of the cab to get the "perfect picture", but I could hear Brene Brown's  Perfect Protest and the message of her new book The Gifts of Imperfection shouting at me: "It's good enough!"  She is right!  The picture I captured shows where I am right now- still underconstruction, having to look past the scaffolds to read the big, bold rainbow colors covering the entire brick wall: "THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN'T DO!"

Thank you New York! I Love you! : )

Forever in a Squam World

Since getting back from Squam Art Workshop on Sept 19th, I have been looking at all the great photos in flickr and thinking about all the beautiful and talented people I met there.  They were all so unique, yet we were all part of the same creative tapestry.  I can't stop thinking about how ONE person's vision (Elizabeth's) became real and over the past few years brought so many together!  And in such a beautiful place at Squam Lake. This creative spirit, made us laugh, sing, chant, paint, photograph, write, journal, share, support, care, believe and cry together...Connect.
This community of love between friends, strangers, on-line sisters, mentors and teachers was deep & real; light & fun!

This week as I sat uploading my photos and entering my new friends websites, blogs, twitter and flickr names, my small creative community began to expand around the world. I find we share similar losses, blessings, gifts, and dreams. One twitter led to another, a new blog became a new friend, an unraveler shows me a new course to explore.  And so it grows.

Tuesday was my youngest son's 16th birthday.  My husband arrives home at 6 in a horrible mood.  I remind him it's John's day and to put on a happy face. 
He says, "But my day started at 8 am in the Texas Dept of Transportation line for an hour." 
I reply, "I was there for two hours and now I am happy." (big smile and happy birthday dance)
He smiles and comes back with, "but we live in different worlds, honey."
I laugh and realize he is right!
I am forever in a Squam World!

August 31: Celebrate!

This is me and my hubby! Today is the last day of August.

It's Happy Birthday to Tony (brother), Bob (brother-inlaw)

and Jennifer (sister-inlaw)!

And Happy 19th Anniversary to Joy (sister) and Steve!

Good bye August! Good bye Summer!

August 30: Baby Rose

The heat has made most of our flowers fade, brown, wither and die.

But the roses continue to florish with new buds

August 29: Grass

Lazy Summer Day - just watching the grass grow

August 28: Happy Bday Hershey!

August 27: Spider

This morning as John was leaving for school, I saw this spider working very hard to carry something up his silky web.  It looked pretty cool just dangling in the blue sky.

August 25: Homemade Pizza

I love making homemade pizza!!!

August 26: The Hersh

Hershey doesn't like to have his picture taken, when I get one it is usually a profile. ha

He is sitting outside after our walk, enjoying the cooler morning. So happy

August 24: RAIN

We finally got some relief this month - RAIN!!!! temperatures dropped below 100!

People were walking in the rain without umbrellas enjoying the moisture.

August 23: First Lesson

Today was my first lesson with horse trainer Kelly.  She was great and I have alot to learn.

Chi Chi is a strong willed horse and I've got to let her know I'm the lead mare!

This is going to be fun!

August 22: Daydreaming

Rocky and Taryn enjoying the last day of summer just daydreaming

August 21: After the Ride

After the ride, its clean the saddle and all the tack.

August 20: Barn Cat

Riley The Barn Cat is so sweet.  He just stays in the middle of everything!

August 19: bougainvillea

Trying to keep my bougainvillea alive despite the intense summer heat!

August 18: walk

After the very light "rain" we had this morning, Rocky, Hershey and I went for a walk.

August 17: Happy Anniversary

Happy 49th Anniversary to my mom and dad! I love you!!!

I took this photo at my little brother's wedding this past April.  My dad is not one for formals (lol) and he was out of his tux before the first dance!  I've wondered what my dad said to make my mom laugh so hard, but then he always could.

August 16: Blue Dragonfly

I went out to take a photo of four butterflies fluttering around the zinnias, but they were gone by the time i got out there.  Found this little guy instead.  I didn't have my glasses on at the time, so it wasn't until I opened it up on my computer that I saw his cute smiling face!

August 15: She's Home!

I got my horse today!!!!!  Her name is Chi Chi Rodriguez but I'm not sure I am going to call her Chi Chi.  We will have to see.  We moved her from Irving to Flower Mound Texas (about 25 miles) today. She is so sweet and seems to be very happy in her new home!

I can't wait to ride her!

August 14: Drawing

Not getting horse today :(

so I decided to work on this week's beCREATIVE challenge.

August 13: Future Docs

I tried to take photos of the meteorites last night - but was NOT successful.

Today I read books about going to the doctor for Community Helpers week at a local preschool.  I took pictures of children dressed up like future doctors and printed the photos for them to take home.  It was so much fun.  This is my favorite photo I took today : )

August 12: Snuggled kisses

Rocky is in his favorite place...Taryn's arms,

getting snuggled with kisses and belly rubs!

August 11: Snail Family

I stopped to take a photo of some ants and discovered a snail family!

August 10: ROD

Today is one month since my son's best friend died of an accidental drug overdose.  Just 19 yrs old. I still can't believe he is gone.

Justin, or JRod in high school, and then just ROD in college, was a great kid who never met a stranger.  His smile and sense of humor always brightened the room.  My daughter ordered these bands to give out to friends and family as we struggle with understanding his death.  We love you Justin!

August 9: Busy Bee

I've been trying to take a picture of this bee all month and I finally got him!

August 8: Poolside Pup

every morning Rocky and I sit out by the pool,

enjoy the cool morning weather, while I drink my coffee and read

August 7: peaceful golf

My son had a golf tournament today at the Four Seasons in Dallas.

peaceful : )

August 6: Senior portrait

 

I had my first photo shoot for senior portraits today.

It was easy to take pretty pictures of Carley : )

August 5: Dog Days

Oh the lazy days of summer!  Just relaxing in the grass with Rocky : )

August 4: Cherries

Sweet Summer Cherries!!

August 3: Summer Veggies

My parents brought me some of their summer garden vegetables.  Yummm...butter beans : )

August 2: Pink Barn

I found this great pink Santa Fe type barn just 4 miles from our house! It is the cleanest barn I have ever been in! Now to get my horse : )

August 1

Susannah Conway's August Break challenge - one photo a day. Click the badge on the left to find out more and join over 250 of us! I can't believe it is August already - although it is 100+ degrees outside, like it always is this time of year. But despite the heat, I don't want summer to end.

My First Post

I created a blog today and signed up for Susannah Conway's August Break. I figured that would be a good way to get started with photos only. Wish me luck!