Thursday, December 2, 2010

a new day

I am so thankful to be in Mindy Tsonas' THIS MOMENT ecourse right now.  It is as if she is looking right into my life and holding my hand.  Her gentle guidance is so reassuring and the supportive words of my new class friends; have me aware of who I am and the path ahead of me. Otherwise, I may be all over the place. Seriously.

I thought I had unconditional love for my family and I thought I knew how to forgive until this past week. Holding the intervention for my husband on Sunday was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life.  I had to fight the urge to cancel it more than once. He was going to hate me. But we did it out of love and it brought EVERYTHING into THIS MOMENT!
We learned so much about addiction that day, how ONLY LOVE CAN HEAL!  I was hurt, afraid and angry.  I knew I had a choice: react in anger or respond with the true me, in love and compassion. what did he need? What did I need?  It was so powerful. But I was the target of his addiction's anger.  I was sending love out, but it was NOT being returned from him....yet.

It has been a week since I stood up and confronted this beast that has over-taken him and only four days since the intervention. 25 years we have been together and NEVER have we gone more than 24 hours without hearing each other's voice say I love you. It's been 8 days. The not knowing was killing me. Although I know we did the right thing to save him from himself, I prayed for something to hold onto.  A glimpse of the healthy man I missed so much. Out of the blue Tuesday night, he texted each of the kids telling them he loved them and texted me to send things I didn't pack and he would text me later. (i know he isn't suppose to have his phone - he's a very tricky guy, but I am so glad he has it for the kids).  Then last night, after midnight, I received a text from him:  I love you. Good night. 
Love in -- Love out -- and Love from around the world and FINALLY, from him, to lift me up.

A beautiful circle!