Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Number One

Happy New Year!

I'm moving slower than I had planned for this year, but trying to move gently and without expectations for 2011, since 2010 ended on a difficult note and with a feeling of uncertainy. Waking up in the early morning hours from a nightmare that is the same as my reality, continues to leave me dazed and wondering how the hell I got here and how to make it right again.  I have no answer for either.  But it is hard not to have optimistic expectations because... that is who I am.  Yet it drains me to remain in the same place and know that I will be here for a while...purgatory.  So I pray and hope that today is different.

I love today's date 1/1/11. 
It just seems optimistic to me.  I don't know, I guess I think of numbers as even and odds, and streams of data in 0s and 1s with zeros having a negative value (I mean, who wants to be zero) and one being, well you know, we all strive to be number one!  But noone wants to be the only one. And that is what I've been feeling a lot of lately.  Trying not to stay in my "pity party of one" I had a change in my perspective when I found Kristin Noelle on twitter.  We are not alone, but we have to seek out our connection to others, ask for help/support.  You will LOVE her adorable illustrations and insightful words regarding togetherness.

All I can do is lean into love and onto the shoulders of family and friends.  Sometimes, I feel I am leaning so hard, I am almost horizontal!  Is it okay to go through life right now looking up at the sky?  Looking for the silver lining, in awe of the colors of the sunrise and sunset, wishing on stars and finding angels in the clouds?  I guess it is better than lying face down in the mud, with my head in the sand...

So here is to looking UP in 2011 from whereever Iwe are! Remembering that tomorrow isn't just another day, it's a better day.