Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Number One

Happy New Year!

I'm moving slower than I had planned for this year, but trying to move gently and without expectations for 2011, since 2010 ended on a difficult note and with a feeling of uncertainy. Waking up in the early morning hours from a nightmare that is the same as my reality, continues to leave me dazed and wondering how the hell I got here and how to make it right again.  I have no answer for either.  But it is hard not to have optimistic expectations because... that is who I am.  Yet it drains me to remain in the same place and know that I will be here for a while...purgatory.  So I pray and hope that today is different.

I love today's date 1/1/11. 
It just seems optimistic to me.  I don't know, I guess I think of numbers as even and odds, and streams of data in 0s and 1s with zeros having a negative value (I mean, who wants to be zero) and one being, well you know, we all strive to be number one!  But noone wants to be the only one. And that is what I've been feeling a lot of lately.  Trying not to stay in my "pity party of one" I had a change in my perspective when I found Kristin Noelle on twitter.  We are not alone, but we have to seek out our connection to others, ask for help/support.  You will LOVE her adorable illustrations and insightful words regarding togetherness.

All I can do is lean into love and onto the shoulders of family and friends.  Sometimes, I feel I am leaning so hard, I am almost horizontal!  Is it okay to go through life right now looking up at the sky?  Looking for the silver lining, in awe of the colors of the sunrise and sunset, wishing on stars and finding angels in the clouds?  I guess it is better than lying face down in the mud, with my head in the sand...

So here is to looking UP in 2011 from whereever Iwe are! Remembering that tomorrow isn't just another day, it's a better day.


  1. Beautiful post. Yes, each day is a brand new one. Let us see them as such. And let us trust that life is unfolding as it needs to. xo

  2. Everyone is challenged in different times of their lives. Now is the time when your amazing optimism will sustain you, your friends and family will lend you strength and your belief in who YOU really are will whisper the simple truth: you will get through this.

  3. beautiful post and thoughts for the new year Tammy. I am so with you on getting a slow start and reigning in my expectations.

  4. Oh Tammy ... such beautiful words ... yes! Lean in all the way and gaze up at the sky! That line reminded me of a quote by Oscar Wilde "We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars." And since I do not seem to have words of my own, I am also reminded of Imogen Heap's song "Wait it Out"

    "Everybody says time heals everything.
    But what of the wretched hollow?
    The endless in-between?
    Are we just going to wait it out?"

    While you wait, keep looking at that amazing sky which is really just a reflection of you ...

    lots of love xo Lis

  5. What a beautiful post Tammy! It takes strength to lean on others and ask for support... you are a brave woman. "Lean into love"... I love that! Praying you have a wonderful 2011. It is so nice to 'meet' you. I am a fellow 'fishie' and I look forward to getting to know you better as we swim the fish bowl! :)

  6. Those photos are just amazing. And your words are beautiful. I was hoping 1/1/11 signified a change, too, a new chance. Take care :)
    From the fish bowl...